Three weeks

3 weeks. What was to have been (and has been!) the most adventurous year of my life has now been reduced to a mere 3 weeks. I can’t believe it’s almost over…

When I think about this year, I feel incredibly fulfilled. I met so many incredible people and learned so much about myself, my priorities, and my tolerances. I completely kept my promise to myself to take full advantage of every moment and to never dwell on the elements of this incredibly foreign culture that I didn’t like. As I knew it would, this year has absolutely flown by and has left me feeling completely torn.

In some ways, I know it’s time to go. For the first time in my life, I spent an entire year doing only what felt right. I know that this was exactly what I was supposed to do, and I have taken full advantage of a stress-free existence.  I now feel ready to go back to the real world and certainly have a new perspective on what is important in a career choice. I feel completely calm and recharged, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before now.  I have had zero regrets about coming here, and I feel like 1 year was the perfect amount of time. Part of me wants to stay, but it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

I think my body has subconsciously begun to reset to life in America. I find myself feeling exhausted during the day yet unable to sleep at night, as though I’m preemptively trying to reset my inner clock. I’ve thus far avoided job searching. Part of the reason is that I think it still might be too soon as I wouldn’t want to start until mid-March. More of the reason is that I’ve been in a blissful utopia that comes with having zero responsibility. I’ve been on vacation since the end of December, and I’m really reluctant to snap out of it. Perhaps this blog serves as my first acknowledgement that reality is lingering dangerously close.

The other reason for my hesitance in job searching is that I’m still not 100% sure what I want to do. I’m really not the same person that I used to be.  These differences may or may not be immediately perceptible, but teaching has really softened me.  My students would likely be horrified to learn that this is the new, softer, cuddlier Tiffany, but I really have mellowed in a lot of ways.  When I think back to my first few weeks of teaching, I have to laugh at how unbelievably wrong my methods were. This likely comes as no surprise to anyone reading this, but it took teaching for me to learn how ridiculously impatient I am. I knew this about myself; but I guess I didn’t realize the extent of my impatience, and it was something I had to force myself to learn. Getting frustrated when an entire class doesn’t understand something is counterproductive to say the least. *Light bulb!* If the entire class doesn’t understand, it’s MY fault, not theirs. Also, I had to let go of my controlling nature. It’s absolutely impossible to force kids to want to learn, so I really had to stop getting worked up over what I can’t control. I suppose in some ways this will be a good personality adjustment for any future career choice, but I guess it’s more my unwillingness to be in a position so stressful that I would be inclined to get so worked up in the first place.

Another eye-opening realization of my time here is that life, on most days anyway, really isn’t that exciting. I don’t mean this in a negative way! It just has occurred to me that whether you live in Seoul, Paris, or Minnesota, much of life is somewhat routine. Even here, with a no-stress job and amazing sights to see, I still went to work Monday through Friday, didn’t do much during the week, and looked forward to the weekend. I think unless you’re independently wealthy, this is true for most people regardless of what kind of shiny finish you want to put on it for your facebook page. In some ways, it was a really comforting thing to learn. Life is not a movie or a TV show so feeling like something is missing because of this fact is just stupid. Again, probably not news to anyone but me, but it’s nice to feel content.

So, yes, I’m as ready to come home as I’ll ever be I suppose, but Seoul! I just love it so much, and I know how much that love will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can visit, of course, but it will never be the same as living here. All I can do now is enjoy my last few days and feel immensely grateful for this experience…and I do.