What I will miss

As my time in Seoul dwindles to one week, I find myself doing an enormous amount of reflecting on this life-changing year that is now perilously close to being over. As I try to reconcile my leaving, I’m thrilled to look back on this year and realize that I have no regrets. I have loved every single second of my time here and am very happy with the way that I spent my time. I feel that I have taken full advantage of all this city has to offer, never let the brief moments of homesickness bring me down, strengthened my relationship with Nate and made life-long friends. In some ways, I’m incredibly sad to say goodbye to this city that has been so good to me, but I also realize that it’s time to go. I have such an incredible adventure in front of me, and the most eye-opening aspect of this journey is that everything I really need is at home.

Of course, parts of me are incredibly sad, in bittersweet kind of way, and I can say without question that there are certain parts of my life here that I will miss for as long as I live.

First and foremost, I will miss the liveliness of this city. I was so fortunate in my living arrangements in getting placed smack-dab in the center of the business district of Seoul. I cannot express enough how much everything is literally right outside my door. I take 5 steps and find myself in the middle of bustling activity, high-rises, throngs of people, restaurants and bars. Best of all, one of my best friends, Michelle, lives 5 minutes walking from me.  In addition to missing all this action, I will desperately miss having such a close friendship with someone who is so geographically close. Additionally, I have an attachment to Michelle because she has been there for me with so many things. She’s half Korean, so she was always the person that helped me with culture shock, language barriers and getting things done that I couldn’t do on my own. Plus, she always listens to me, even though I talk way too much. I will also miss Mary, always the voice of reason, Kahlid, who never fails to make me laugh, KK, always the life of the party, and so many others. My friends have taught me so much about myself, and I feel so lucky to know all of them. I don’t worry that we’ll lose touch, but it saddens me to acknowledge how different our friendships will be going forward.

I will also miss my job. I’m fairly certain that teaching in Korea saved me from a nervous breakdown, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I will miss my adorable students, but mostly, I’ll miss my co-teachers. So many of my friends here tell me horror stories about their co-workers, but the people I work with have been amazing. Any time I needed anything taken care of, it was done before I could even finish saying what I needed. As time has gone by, I have gotten to know them on a more personal level, and I absolutely love them. Furthermore, I have never had a job where I have been so loved and appreciated. My co-teachers and bosses have begged me, numerous times to stay. My position has been eliminated due to changes in the government’s view of native teachers, but my school was willing to use their own budget to keep me here. No other high school in the city is keeping their native teachers, but my school loves me and was willing to do anything to keep me here. It’s so satisfying to know that I truly did a great job in this position and exceeded everyone’s expectations. I really hope I can one day find a job that gives me the satisfaction I’ve had here.

I will miss my endless walks that always yielded the discovery of a new favorite place. I will miss ‘posting up’ with $1 bottles of alcohol outside convenience stores with friends and the endless people watching that always ensued, I will miss amazing and cheap Korean food, I will miss late night, drunken street-food runs, I will miss noraebangs, I will miss my tiny apartment that provided endless hours of solitude and self-reflection, I will miss hearing Korean and I will miss my stress-free existence.

Yet with all these wonderful aspects of my life here, it’s time to go home. And I’m ready. I can only explain my feelings right now as blissful. I have spent a euphoric year here in Seoul, but also realize that I’m leaving at the perfect time, and I have quite an adventure waiting for me back home. I have fulfilled every desire I had in coming here, I have lived the past year without regrets, and I’ve made some amazing friends. I feel completely at peace with my time here and also my return to the U.S. All I can say is that I am eternally grateful, happy, and I’ve finally figured out my priorities in life. Not a bad year if I may say so ;-)

With that, I bid you adieu, or Annyeonghikaysayyo to Seoul. I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me, and I will never, ever forget you.

Three weeks

3 weeks. What was to have been (and has been!) the most adventurous year of my life has now been reduced to a mere 3 weeks. I can’t believe it’s almost over…

When I think about this year, I feel incredibly fulfilled. I met so many incredible people and learned so much about myself, my priorities, and my tolerances. I completely kept my promise to myself to take full advantage of every moment and to never dwell on the elements of this incredibly foreign culture that I didn’t like. As I knew it would, this year has absolutely flown by and has left me feeling completely torn.

In some ways, I know it’s time to go. For the first time in my life, I spent an entire year doing only what felt right. I know that this was exactly what I was supposed to do, and I have taken full advantage of a stress-free existence.  I now feel ready to go back to the real world and certainly have a new perspective on what is important in a career choice. I feel completely calm and recharged, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before now.  I have had zero regrets about coming here, and I feel like 1 year was the perfect amount of time. Part of me wants to stay, but it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

I think my body has subconsciously begun to reset to life in America. I find myself feeling exhausted during the day yet unable to sleep at night, as though I’m preemptively trying to reset my inner clock. I’ve thus far avoided job searching. Part of the reason is that I think it still might be too soon as I wouldn’t want to start until mid-March. More of the reason is that I’ve been in a blissful utopia that comes with having zero responsibility. I’ve been on vacation since the end of December, and I’m really reluctant to snap out of it. Perhaps this blog serves as my first acknowledgement that reality is lingering dangerously close.

The other reason for my hesitance in job searching is that I’m still not 100% sure what I want to do. I’m really not the same person that I used to be.  These differences may or may not be immediately perceptible, but teaching has really softened me.  My students would likely be horrified to learn that this is the new, softer, cuddlier Tiffany, but I really have mellowed in a lot of ways.  When I think back to my first few weeks of teaching, I have to laugh at how unbelievably wrong my methods were. This likely comes as no surprise to anyone reading this, but it took teaching for me to learn how ridiculously impatient I am. I knew this about myself; but I guess I didn’t realize the extent of my impatience, and it was something I had to force myself to learn. Getting frustrated when an entire class doesn’t understand something is counterproductive to say the least. *Light bulb!* If the entire class doesn’t understand, it’s MY fault, not theirs. Also, I had to let go of my controlling nature. It’s absolutely impossible to force kids to want to learn, so I really had to stop getting worked up over what I can’t control. I suppose in some ways this will be a good personality adjustment for any future career choice, but I guess it’s more my unwillingness to be in a position so stressful that I would be inclined to get so worked up in the first place.

Another eye-opening realization of my time here is that life, on most days anyway, really isn’t that exciting. I don’t mean this in a negative way! It just has occurred to me that whether you live in Seoul, Paris, or Minnesota, much of life is somewhat routine. Even here, with a no-stress job and amazing sights to see, I still went to work Monday through Friday, didn’t do much during the week, and looked forward to the weekend. I think unless you’re independently wealthy, this is true for most people regardless of what kind of shiny finish you want to put on it for your facebook page. In some ways, it was a really comforting thing to learn. Life is not a movie or a TV show so feeling like something is missing because of this fact is just stupid. Again, probably not news to anyone but me, but it’s nice to feel content.

So, yes, I’m as ready to come home as I’ll ever be I suppose, but Seoul! I just love it so much, and I know how much that love will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can visit, of course, but it will never be the same as living here. All I can do now is enjoy my last few days and feel immensely grateful for this experience…and I do.