I know, I know, it’s been WAAAAY too long since my last blog post, and once again, I have no idea where to begin.
In May, my mom came to visit me. It was so nice having her here. She came at the perfect time in the sense that, the whole ‘stage 1,’ or ‘honeymoon phase’ culture shock had begun to subside. This was the first time I had done any touristy things here in Seoul, and it gave me an entirely new appreciation for this city that I have come to call home. We went to parks, tombs, went to palaces, ate traditional Korean food, took a riverboat cruise on the Han River, saw the city from North Seoul Tower, shopped at Insa-dong, and had great conversations at the numerous coffee shops that are mere steps from my apartment. Point being, she came at the perfect time for me to rediscover this amazing city right as homesickness was starting to set in. This was also the trip of a lifetime for her. I don’t think at any point in her life she imagined that she would be visiting her daughter in Asia, literally the opposite side of the world. We also went to China!
So, China. Where to begin… China was an experience to be sure. Parts of it were amazing. I actually walked the Great Wall, stood in the middle of Tiananmen Square, ate Peking duck, rode through the streets on a pedal cab, shopped on Wangfujing street, toured the Forbidden City, and ended each day over a glass of wine at our fabulous and ultra-modern hotel. All with my mother, the number one greatest, most important and positive influence in my life. China was an experience that I will tell my grandchildren, should they ever exist. Yet, my travels in China made me so appreciative of my life in Korea. I won’t get too much into my negative experiences in China, other than to say that Korean people are so much more helpful, the food is substantially better, and I am eternally grateful that I chose to spend my year here instead of Beijing. Coming home to Korea felt just like that—coming home.
I have grown to love Korea on a much deeper level than when I initially came. At first, I was the epitome of a culture-shocked American. I was completely infatuated. I realize now, however, that I was infatuated with the wrong things, mostly, fulfilling my need to be away; far away from my mundane Shoreview, Minnesota life. I was meeting all these new people that had perspectives so similar to my own which was something that was entirely absent from my life in Minnesota, the city was constantly bustling—bright lights and action at every turn, being surrounded by people that were looking for the same fulfillment as I, clubs, parties, cheap alcohol, a 19 year olds dream!
And then I realized, I’m not 19—I’m 29. I came here to find answers and clarity that I simply couldn’t find in my current situation, and luckily, I have found it. Somewhere in my soju- and club-induced haze, I have begun to find the clarity I initially set out to find.
So, what is this great clarity, you ask? Well, like most revelations, it’s pretty simple.
1. Love your friends. Your truly great love-you-no-matter-what friends.
In my first blog, I talked of all my new friends. Yes, I am still friends with all of these people, but throughout the course of my time here, I’ve re-evaluated what makes a truly great friend. I am so lucky to say that in my time here thus far, I have made two life-long friends. That may not sound like much, and I’ve spent much time wondering if I shouldn’t be investing more of myself in more people, but in my conversations with these two individuals, I realize that two friends is huge. When I look at my life, all the true friends I’ve made along the way, there are maybe 7 or 8, and in my journey here, I have added two to the mix. Being here has made me question myself constantly. Who am I? What do I really stand for and believe? And these two people have helped that along and nurtured that part of me in a way that only they can. Each of my true friends has played a huge roll in who I’ve become, and now I question that person: I’m not that nice, I’m honest to a fault, I’m obsessive, I love to talk about myself, I interrupt, I have a mean-streak, I thrive on jealousy, I’m vain, I love material things and yet, I somehow manage to have a bit of a superiority complex. My Seoul friends, however, know this about me, and love me anyway. Perhaps it’s that they are in the same limbo, questioning themselves and their actions as well, and they have listened, and supported, and dealt with my numerous neuroses. And they had shown true love for me, even when I am entirely unlovable, and I realize now how rare that is. All I can say is that I’m grateful and very, very lucky.
2. Make new friends, but keep the old.
It’s funny. When I lived in Paris, I came back knowing clearly the first people I wanted to see. Why? Because they were the people that read my emails, responded, and gave me support. They answered my phone calls and were excited that I had called them. I miss my old true-blue friends. I miss them desperately and think of them daily—far more than when I lived in the U.S. Most of these friends are people I’ve known for many years, and now I realize that I would not be who I am today without them. I’m not entirely sure that the person I am today is all that great, but I do realize that without their influence, I wouldn’t have the ability to question my motives or ideas without their guidance. I have begun to wonder why anyone would want to be my friend, but in lieu of questioning it, I’ve become eternally grateful. Bottom line is that I have a much deeper appreciation for all that I have taken for granted throughout the years.
So now, on to things I’ve learned. These things are Korea specific, but they have helped my life here greatly. I am currently in stage 2/stage 3 culture shock. This is the point when all the new and great things start to wane, and daily life as a Korean expat start to grate on you.
1. Shove or be shoved.
Koreans have a ‘hurry’ mentality. Don’t get in their way, because they will literally shove you out of it. This is something that has been a constant annoyance to me. They will not apologize, they won’t even give you a second glance, just be prepared, in any situation to be pushed.
2. Toilet paper is a privilege, not a right.
Koreans love toilets and pooping. I know, this is super weird, but Koreans have tributes to poop and toilets everywhere. There’s even this weird cultural thing called ddonjjeep (not sure of the spelling there) where if you expose your backside to a Korean, they will make a two-handed gun shape with their hands and shove it into your butthole. I know, this is beyond weird, but it’s, like, this Korean thing. I think it’s maybe a tribute to toilets and the amazing amount of progress Korea has made in the past 20 years, but it’s kind of weird. Point is, they are very proud of the bathroom revolutions they have made in modern times. So, there are many public toilets throughout the city. BUT, toilet paper is not common. Korea has these amazing bathrooms—the toilet seats are heated, and there always seems to be a control panel next to every toilet with aromatherapy options and bedet-like functions, but the basic necessity of toilet paper is rare. There have been numerous times that I have gone to a bathroom, caught up in this spa-like experience, only to discover at the end that there is no toilet paper. As a result, I have begun to horde restaurant napkins, kleenex¸ and even receipts to keep in my purse for emergencies.
3. One of the world’s cleanest cities has no waste receptacles.
This continues to be one of the banes of my Korean existence. There are no garbage cans here! It’s maddening! In a city so convenient, where you’re never more than steps from a 7-11 or a GS25, you can never find a place to throw you trash. It makes me crazy! Seoul has got to be one of the most litter-free cities on Earth, yet there is nowhere to dispose of your garbage. Seriously. Every subway station has a myriad of places to buy soda, snacks, you name it, but no place to throw anything away. One would think that a city set up like this would be full of litter-strewn streets, but it’s not! As a result, at the end of every day, I come home with a purse full of garbage. I try to be conscientious of this, but in the U.S., I would be a minority with this mentality. But I guess that Seoullites are generally concerned about the beauty of their city, because the streets are impeccably clean. Craziness…
4. Koreans hate to think. If you look at test scores from every country around the world, Korean students consistently fare extremely well. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, these kids work like crazy to get the best test scores, and they are usually successful. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that when it comes to forming an opinion, or making an argument based on facts, they cannot and will not give an answer. For example, for my most recent speaking test, I had my students do a debate. As practice, I gave them a topic, and asked for a ‘pro’ and a ‘con’ argument. I did this with my level ‘A’ students—students who speak English at a near flawless level. Normally, any time I begin a class and ask for volunteers, I have to wrangle them back into focus because so many of them know the answer and want to prove it to me. With this topic, however, I was met with resounding silence. When it comes to forming an opinion and supporting it, they just can’t or maybe won’t do it. They would rather I give them lines to write than have to think about anything. It’s such a different intelligence than what we are accustomed to learning in the U.S. and a constant source of aggravation for me. As a result, I try and get them to think critically at least once during my lessons to try and begin the process of expanding their way of thinking.
5. Expand their way of thinking? Really? Do I care? The short answer to this is YES. I can honestly say that at no point in my decision to come here did I think for one second about the lives I would be impacting. Teaching was just a way to earn the required money to travel for a year. Surprisingly, however, my students have begun to play a huge roll in my happiness here. There are days when I hate Korea—granted, they are few and far between—but they do exist. And I’ve come to realize that what puts a smile on my face time and again are my kids. Now that they’ve overcome their shyness, I’ve begun to see how smart and funny these girls are. There isn’t a day that goes by that one of them doesn’t make some observation or say something that sends me into fits of laughter. I’m really lucky in this regard as I teach at a really privileged school, so I’m not dealing with a lot of unfortunate kids like some of my friends here. These are generally happy, sunshiney kids who’s intelligence and wit never ceases to amaze me. They also do a graceful job of walking the line between gently teasing me and being very respectful. I can’t explain it, but I know without a doubt that my methods would not be effective on American students.
What I love.
There are a number of things about life in Korea that I love. For starters, this has got to be one of the most convenient places I’ve ever seen.
1. You are never far from a convenience store, coffee shop, or cosmetics store. Seriously. Sitting in my apartment, I can think of no less than 20 coffee shops, 15 convenience stores, and 5 cosmetics shops within a 1-5 minute walk from my apartment. Convenience stores are open 24/7. Need a late night soju fix? No problem. Walk 10 feet, buy said $1 soju, head back home. Walking down the street and realize your face is shiney? No worries, stop at the Missha, Aritaum, SkinFood, Tony Moly, Saem, Face Shop, etc. etc. and pick up whatever you need. Also, the beauty products here are AMAZING and incredibly cheap. And I cannot stress enough how much they are EVERYWHERE.
2. As a result of all these beauty stores, one is expected to look their most beautiful at all times. Yes, this is under the ‘things I love category.’ Koreans are obsessed with physical beauty. This is both an annoyance, and something I’ve come to really appreciate. It’s an annoyance because with the concept of beauty comes the concept of never being good enough. I hate this for my students. Plastic surgery is so unbelievably commonplace it’s mind-blowing. On every corner and at every subway stop are ads for plastic surgery. Literally, everyone gets some form of cosmetic procedure done here if they have the means. Most people do have the means as cosmetic surgery is very cheap. Many of my students talk about plastic surgery as a path to their future success, and this kills me to hear. In America, we whine about the constant role the media plays in making us feel inferior to impossible beauty standards. In Korea, this exists as well, but attached to every beauty commercial is one for plastic surgery. It’s unreal. Clearly, this is not the part I love. What I do love, however, is that Koreans respect their physical selves. People dress up here. Always. This is something that I really respect and have come to embrace. There aren’t hordes of dumpy, overweight people walking the streets. People dress nicely and take care of themselves. I really respect this and enjoy getting dressed up to go to E-Mart to buy my weekly groceries, or to stop and grab a coffee. It’s really nice to enjoy the aesthetics of seas of people who respect their bodies and appearance. Judge this if you will, but it’s something I really appreciate about Korean culture.
3. Shoe repair. In a mass-transit and walking-based city filled with people that wear dresses, suits and high-heels at all times, shoe repair is a necessity. In America, if something happens with one of your shoes—like, you need to get your tips redone on your heels—you have to round up your shoes, and take them to a shoe repair place, and wait 3 days to a week to get them back. Here in Seoul, if you’re walking down the street and find yourself with a ‘tap shoe’ (i.e. the rubber bottom came off your heel) keep walking a few steps, and you will find a street-side shoe repairman. In my neighborhood, there are 5 within a 5 minute walking distance. They will fix your shoes while you wait. It takes about 3 minutes and costs around $2. I love it!
So, in this blissful utopia called Seoul, what could I possibly miss? In any given day, I waiver between panic that my time here ticks by day in and day out, and wanting to come home. Maybe it’s part of culture shock, but there are definitely things that I miss.
1. English. I’m a talker. Anyone that knows me knows this is true, and it’s very isolating to not know the language here. During my work day, I’m surrounded with my co-teachers that speak entirely in Korean. I go to lunch, and hear more Korean. I would be fine in an observatory role for a change, but I can’t observe what I don’t understand. It’s constant. Even something as basic as going to the grocery store is a battle. I’ve become amazing at mime-like sign language in order to fulfill the basic needs of my day. It’s truly exhausting sometimes. I really miss being understood, and I really miss having a personality in day to day situations. My only personality here to the average stranger is that of waygook, or foreigner. I’m forced to deal with the stares, the judgments, and anything else that people want to think about me with absolutely no recourse. It really goes against the grain for me, and is a constant struggle. I’ve begun taking Korean classes which are going amazingly well. I’m in a very accelerated course, so hopefully I will make great strides in this area in the near future, but for now, my fate is sealed.
2. Soju. Yes, soju is a Korean liquor that is at my disposal ‘round the clock. However, I had to say goodbye to my dearest Korean friend. I couldn’t figure out where my unexplained weight gain was coming from. I gained around 8 unexplained pounds on a diet consisting primarily of vegetables. So, I googled calories in soju and discovered that one, small, innocuous bottle contains 540 calories. During a night drinking with friends, I would normally drink between 2 and 3 bottles of soju, not to mention all of the food that comes along with a bottle in a restaurant. Needless to say, I was consuming around 1,000-1,500 extra calories a day. So, I had to put my dear friend to rest. Sigh…
3. Nate. This shouldn’t come as any surprise. I really miss Nate. Much, much more than I could have ever prepared myself for. In some ways, this has been great for our relationship. I don’t think that as long as I live I will ever take any part of him for granted again, but that doesn’t change the here and now. I miss him constantly. It’s a perpetual ache that haunts everything I do. In a way, this has been a good thing. I realize that can’t and won’t live my life without him, hence, the engagement. I know that people want a great story to accompany this revelation, but that’s really all there is.
4. Life in America. I desperately miss all the things I’m missing out on day to day. It’s summer now, and all I can think of is 4th of July fireworks, parades, barbecues. Camping, sing alongs by a campfire, mini-golf, Nate, Nate, Nate. Movie nights, patio happy hours, driving, Lake Calhoun, Strawberry Fest, Summerfest. It’s hard sometimes.
But at the end of the day, I love it here. I know how much I will miss this place when I’m gone. So, I try and overlook the not-s0-great and truly revel in my joyous experiences and friends here, because I know that I have the rest of my life to miss them. I love Korea. I love America. I’m really, really happy. J
