What I will miss

As my time in Seoul dwindles to one week, I find myself doing an enormous amount of reflecting on this life-changing year that is now perilously close to being over. As I try to reconcile my leaving, I’m thrilled to look back on this year and realize that I have no regrets. I have loved every single second of my time here and am very happy with the way that I spent my time. I feel that I have taken full advantage of all this city has to offer, never let the brief moments of homesickness bring me down, strengthened my relationship with Nate and made life-long friends. In some ways, I’m incredibly sad to say goodbye to this city that has been so good to me, but I also realize that it’s time to go. I have such an incredible adventure in front of me, and the most eye-opening aspect of this journey is that everything I really need is at home.

Of course, parts of me are incredibly sad, in bittersweet kind of way, and I can say without question that there are certain parts of my life here that I will miss for as long as I live.

First and foremost, I will miss the liveliness of this city. I was so fortunate in my living arrangements in getting placed smack-dab in the center of the business district of Seoul. I cannot express enough how much everything is literally right outside my door. I take 5 steps and find myself in the middle of bustling activity, high-rises, throngs of people, restaurants and bars. Best of all, one of my best friends, Michelle, lives 5 minutes walking from me.  In addition to missing all this action, I will desperately miss having such a close friendship with someone who is so geographically close. Additionally, I have an attachment to Michelle because she has been there for me with so many things. She’s half Korean, so she was always the person that helped me with culture shock, language barriers and getting things done that I couldn’t do on my own. Plus, she always listens to me, even though I talk way too much. I will also miss Mary, always the voice of reason, Kahlid, who never fails to make me laugh, KK, always the life of the party, and so many others. My friends have taught me so much about myself, and I feel so lucky to know all of them. I don’t worry that we’ll lose touch, but it saddens me to acknowledge how different our friendships will be going forward.

I will also miss my job. I’m fairly certain that teaching in Korea saved me from a nervous breakdown, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I will miss my adorable students, but mostly, I’ll miss my co-teachers. So many of my friends here tell me horror stories about their co-workers, but the people I work with have been amazing. Any time I needed anything taken care of, it was done before I could even finish saying what I needed. As time has gone by, I have gotten to know them on a more personal level, and I absolutely love them. Furthermore, I have never had a job where I have been so loved and appreciated. My co-teachers and bosses have begged me, numerous times to stay. My position has been eliminated due to changes in the government’s view of native teachers, but my school was willing to use their own budget to keep me here. No other high school in the city is keeping their native teachers, but my school loves me and was willing to do anything to keep me here. It’s so satisfying to know that I truly did a great job in this position and exceeded everyone’s expectations. I really hope I can one day find a job that gives me the satisfaction I’ve had here.

I will miss my endless walks that always yielded the discovery of a new favorite place. I will miss ‘posting up’ with $1 bottles of alcohol outside convenience stores with friends and the endless people watching that always ensued, I will miss amazing and cheap Korean food, I will miss late night, drunken street-food runs, I will miss noraebangs, I will miss my tiny apartment that provided endless hours of solitude and self-reflection, I will miss hearing Korean and I will miss my stress-free existence.

Yet with all these wonderful aspects of my life here, it’s time to go home. And I’m ready. I can only explain my feelings right now as blissful. I have spent a euphoric year here in Seoul, but also realize that I’m leaving at the perfect time, and I have quite an adventure waiting for me back home. I have fulfilled every desire I had in coming here, I have lived the past year without regrets, and I’ve made some amazing friends. I feel completely at peace with my time here and also my return to the U.S. All I can say is that I am eternally grateful, happy, and I’ve finally figured out my priorities in life. Not a bad year if I may say so ;-)

With that, I bid you adieu, or Annyeonghikaysayyo to Seoul. I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me, and I will never, ever forget you.

Three weeks

3 weeks. What was to have been (and has been!) the most adventurous year of my life has now been reduced to a mere 3 weeks. I can’t believe it’s almost over…

When I think about this year, I feel incredibly fulfilled. I met so many incredible people and learned so much about myself, my priorities, and my tolerances. I completely kept my promise to myself to take full advantage of every moment and to never dwell on the elements of this incredibly foreign culture that I didn’t like. As I knew it would, this year has absolutely flown by and has left me feeling completely torn.

In some ways, I know it’s time to go. For the first time in my life, I spent an entire year doing only what felt right. I know that this was exactly what I was supposed to do, and I have taken full advantage of a stress-free existence.  I now feel ready to go back to the real world and certainly have a new perspective on what is important in a career choice. I feel completely calm and recharged, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before now.  I have had zero regrets about coming here, and I feel like 1 year was the perfect amount of time. Part of me wants to stay, but it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

I think my body has subconsciously begun to reset to life in America. I find myself feeling exhausted during the day yet unable to sleep at night, as though I’m preemptively trying to reset my inner clock. I’ve thus far avoided job searching. Part of the reason is that I think it still might be too soon as I wouldn’t want to start until mid-March. More of the reason is that I’ve been in a blissful utopia that comes with having zero responsibility. I’ve been on vacation since the end of December, and I’m really reluctant to snap out of it. Perhaps this blog serves as my first acknowledgement that reality is lingering dangerously close.

The other reason for my hesitance in job searching is that I’m still not 100% sure what I want to do. I’m really not the same person that I used to be.  These differences may or may not be immediately perceptible, but teaching has really softened me.  My students would likely be horrified to learn that this is the new, softer, cuddlier Tiffany, but I really have mellowed in a lot of ways.  When I think back to my first few weeks of teaching, I have to laugh at how unbelievably wrong my methods were. This likely comes as no surprise to anyone reading this, but it took teaching for me to learn how ridiculously impatient I am. I knew this about myself; but I guess I didn’t realize the extent of my impatience, and it was something I had to force myself to learn. Getting frustrated when an entire class doesn’t understand something is counterproductive to say the least. *Light bulb!* If the entire class doesn’t understand, it’s MY fault, not theirs. Also, I had to let go of my controlling nature. It’s absolutely impossible to force kids to want to learn, so I really had to stop getting worked up over what I can’t control. I suppose in some ways this will be a good personality adjustment for any future career choice, but I guess it’s more my unwillingness to be in a position so stressful that I would be inclined to get so worked up in the first place.

Another eye-opening realization of my time here is that life, on most days anyway, really isn’t that exciting. I don’t mean this in a negative way! It just has occurred to me that whether you live in Seoul, Paris, or Minnesota, much of life is somewhat routine. Even here, with a no-stress job and amazing sights to see, I still went to work Monday through Friday, didn’t do much during the week, and looked forward to the weekend. I think unless you’re independently wealthy, this is true for most people regardless of what kind of shiny finish you want to put on it for your facebook page. In some ways, it was a really comforting thing to learn. Life is not a movie or a TV show so feeling like something is missing because of this fact is just stupid. Again, probably not news to anyone but me, but it’s nice to feel content.

So, yes, I’m as ready to come home as I’ll ever be I suppose, but Seoul! I just love it so much, and I know how much that love will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can visit, of course, but it will never be the same as living here. All I can do now is enjoy my last few days and feel immensely grateful for this experience…and I do.

The end of an era

As of today, it’s official: my time in Seoul is coming to a close.  Today was the final day of my students’ speaking tests, and as of December 23^rd, I will no longer be teaching.  To further solidify the ending of this era, I booked my flight home as well. 

In some ways, I can’t complain.  I get so much vacation time it’s ridiculous.  My contract isn’t up until the last day of February, so I’m essentially getting 2 1/2 months paid to just be here.  I’m quite certain that I will never again have a job that pays me to just be a presence in a city, but I can’t help feeling desperately sad.  When I’m totally honest with myself, I won’t really miss teaching in and of itself.  I’ve loved getting to know my kids, but actually being responsible for teaching and lesson and curriculum planning is not something I will miss.  What I will miss, as I’ve stated numerous times before, is the complete absence of stress from my life.  Already, however, I can feel the dark shadow of panic creeping in the corners of my brain. It’s a feeling that is all too familiar and one that I certainly haven’t missed.  As much as I know what I want my life to be like when I return, actually putting that plan into action is going to be difficult to say the least as I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I’m re-entering the black hole of recession that is America without a job.  Panic indeed…

How did this happen anyway?  I always had so much direction and purpose when I was younger.  I feel like a high school girl that doodles in her notebook and wistfully dreams of being a famous actress.  How did I just turn 30?  Where on earth did my 20s go?  I think of all my friends that are married with kids and have careers that they’ve been in for years, and I just feel like that life is so far away for me.  I realize that in the grand scheme of things, 30 is very young, but it’s too old to still be feeling so lost. 

I’m in such a strange place right now.  I’m starting to see everything here in technicolor.  Everything I do, every insignificant errand I run, every coffee shop I go to, even my daily trips to the convenience store on the corner, I try and take in every second because it may be my last time in that particular place.  I already feel nostalgia setting in, and I haven’t even left yet.  What’s stranger still is that I can so clearly see everything back home.  It feels like I left a few days ago, not 9 months ago.  Events that have occurred since I’ve been in Seoul seem much more distant than life back home. 

Don’t misunderstand, I’m not dreading going home.  I’m dreading the job market, to be sure, but I’m actually kind of over living by myself.  I’m thrilled to death that I feel this way as I’ve always loved being on my own.  I wish Nate and I could just pick up our lives and move them here, but that’s simply not realistic.  It’s getting to a point when all the daily things I love about it here that were so fun and exciting to do solo would be much better with Nate. I also miss certain things about American life, but I learned once before that the things that you miss so much when you’re far away have a bittersweet way of never changing.  I love Korea, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love America.  I just prefer to focus on only the good things here, and every time I feel a twinge of homesickness, I remind myself that it will still be there when I go home and for the rest of my life.   I guess what it comes down to is that I can’t really get excited about anything back home, even if I wanted to, because the overriding thought is that I am going back unemployed.  Every time I start to get excited about something, my panic shuts it down.  Like, yay!  Wedding planning!!  (weddings are expensive….)  Driving!  (gas money…no job)  My favorite American clothing brands!  (no job=no shopping money)  My favorite restaurants!  (eating costs money….)  Happy hours with girlfriends at bars that know how to make martinis (happy hours are for the employed…) You get the idea…

Oh Korea…sarangheyo.  Your fabulousness has spoiled me so…

But I’m not gone yet!  In fact, many exciting things are yet to come.  For starters, my oldest, closest, best best friend in the whole world, Jamey, is coming to visit at the end of December!  My excitement about this exists on several levels.  If you’re unfamiliar, Jamey and I grew up together, 4 houses away, and from 5^th grade through high school, we were practically sisters.  From college on, however, we’ve lived in different states and now different countries as she moved to Ireland when she got married last year.  The point is, we see each other maybe once a year (not including our near weekly skype chats), but every time we do, it’s usually the highlight of my entire year.  So, independent of the whole Korea part, I’m incredibly excited to see her!  It’s going to feel like high school except with bank accounts!  Yay!  On top of that, if I haven’t made it sufficiently clear, I love love love Seoul!  So I am ecstatic that I get to show this amazing place to her.  It’s great timing really, as I don’t do the touristy things here on a regular basis, so it will be great to see all the big sites one last time.  I can say with quite a bit of certainty that the week she is here will be one of the best of my life!  I can’t really even think about her trip because the excitement makes me babble incoherently J  Best friends are the best!

Another very exciting upcoming event is my trip to Japan in January!  As a 29^th birthday-the-sequel present, my mom bought me a plane ticket to Tokyo!  I’m spending 5 days split between Tokyo and Kyoto.  I’m so excited!  A little more than a year ago,  I never thought I’d ever even see Asia, and now I’ve seen Korea, China, and soon Japan!  So cool.  What’s also very exciting about this particular trip is that I’m going alone.  Throughout my life and my constantly growing passion for travel, I’ve always felt that the one thing I should do just once is go on a vacation completely alone.  Call it independent woman complex I guess, but I’ve never traveled by myself, and I think to truly consider yourself a seasoned traveler, you have to vacation on your own at least once.  I have no idea what to expect, but I’m sure whatever happens it will be a trip to remember.  Also, upon my return to Korea, I’m flying back into Busan to spend a weekend there before heading home to Seoul, so it’s like 2 vacations in 1!  Busan, if you’re unfamiliar, is the second largest city in Korea and is at the very southern part of the country.   It’s a seaside town that’s famous for its beaches and seafood.  Granted, the beaches will be observed in a down jacket and boots, but I’m still very excited to see another part of Korea as I’ve thus far never ventured outside of Seoul. 

I guess the best is yet to come in my great Asian adventure.  I have 2 ½ months of uninterrupted time to just be.  I can spend endless days walking, sight-seeing, travelling, and taking in this wondrous city that will all too soon be a very happy memory.  I love you, Seoul.  I miss you already.

Walk a mile in my stilettos

Summer is over, and I didn’t write one single blog!  I’ve composed the beginnings of new posts about 20 times but just never got around to putting it on paper.  It’s been an amazing few months and undoubtedly the best summer of my life, minus the torturous humidity and torrential rain.  Fall weather has arrived, and I hope it brings with it continued unforgettable experiences!

One of the greatest things about teaching, which all my teacher friends know, is the enormous amount of vacation we’re given!  Korea has year round school, but we still get a pretty big chunk of time off in the summer.  I got a little over a month which is more time than I’ve had off since I myself was in high school.  So, what wonderful, productive, culturally stimulating adventures did I undertake during this month long vacation you ask?  I. Ate. Peanut Butter.  I realize that this sounds like an asinine statement, but that’s how my latest adventure began.

Peanut butter is one of my favorite foods, but it’s $10 a jar here.  For 6 long months, I would wander passed the foreign food section and gaze longingly at my beloved peanut butter, only to scoff at the price tag and walk away.  One Saturday morning during vacation, however, I could resist no longer. In a moment of weakness, I marched, in my pajamas, to the store, paid the $10 and felt no remorse.  Depriving oneself of such a basic need as peanut butter for this long, however, has very negative repercussions as I learned on this fateful Saturday.  I barely had both feet through the door, and the jar was open.  I couldn’t even be bothered with bread, just a spoon.  10 minutes later, half the jar was gone.  Suddenly, every bad after-school special and Lifetime original movie I had ever seen about overweight teens and desperate, lonely women flashed before my eyes.  The peanut butter sat on my table, mocking me with its creamy goodness.  I had to escape its seductive siren song before the entire jar was gone!!!  So, I put on a dress, strapped on my heels, and took a walk…

In my very first blog entry, I made a promise to myself to not take advantage of one single second of my brief time here.  The best way to see any city is to take lots of walks, and up until now, I hadn’t walked any further than the subway station.  On this day, I fulfilled my promise to myself, and fell madly in love with Seoul all over again.  

One of the most amazing things about this city is that ancient meets modern everywhere you look.  Nowhere is this more evident than in Gangnam where I am fortunate enough to live.  I walked for miles and miles in every direction.  I walked down Teheran-ro to take in the massive glossy skyscrapers offset by the natural beauty of the trees that line the streets.  In the distance, I took in the imposing mountains that surround the city.  I walked to Gangnam station where hordes of people in business attire gathered around street food stalls slurping ddeokbokki sauce. I took in the Seoul skyline behind 16^th century burial tombs.  A little ways off the main street, I discovered an entire street of local farmers selling fresh vegetables and fruits.  Turning down this street felt like entering an entirely different world.  This is the Korea that exists outside of Seoul—poor farmers with no teeth selling produce out of the back of a rickety wagon, men with moving racks of dead chickens swinging on hooks,  lots of noise, lots of movement, lots of yelling.  At this point, I had to stop and reconcile in my mind the fact that these two worlds existed in such close proximity to each other and so near my very own apartment. 

Back on the main street, I went a different direction.  For hours, I continued, and was struck by how drastically the scenery and the feel of the city changed with each new neighborhood I passed through.  Hours later, it was dark.  I returned home and it occurred to me that I will most likely never live in a place this dynamic again.  For the remainder of my vacation, I went on incredibly long walks every day.  The nature of this city is such that it’s so easy to feel like you’re a part of something very exciting even if you’re by yourself.  This is a place to see and be seen.  People stare at me.  I stare back unabashedly.  There are coffee shops and markets every few steps, and in the summer, all of these places have outdoor seating, even convenience stores—perfect people watching on the cheap.  The best part is that all of this is literally right outside my door.  No car required, just legs.  After realizing that there was so much left to see here, it started feeling like every second was slipping away too fast.  Now it’s Fall, my favorite time of year, and perfect walking weather.  It’s bittersweet though, because I feel like my best days in Korea are numbered, but I’m so grateful for the many hours I spent taking it all in.  I guess I have the peanut butter to thank J

So what could possibly make my time here any better?  I have it all!  I love my friends, I love my job, I have no stress, I live in the best neighborhood in one of the coolest cities on the planet, and I have my youth that allows me to take it in on foot for hours on end.  Just when I thought my cup runneth over, enter Nate.

I’ll admit, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect of Nate’s time here.  I knew, of course, that regardless of what we did I’d be overjoyed to be with him, but I wasn’t sure how he’d adapt to life in Korea.  This was Nate’s first ever trip out of the U.S., and Korea, in my opinion, is a pretty big leap.  Nate does not do well with crowds, bustling cities, apartment living, and the general hustle and bustle of city life.  He hates airports, feeling rushed, and all the other obstacles that come with travel.  He prefers the quiet of the woods, the company of woodland creatures and his fishing pole.  To say Nate surprised me would be an understatement, and being surprised by someone you love and have been in a relationship with for a long time is an absolutely amazing experience.  We did everything while he was here.  We went to palaces, ate every traditional Korean dish imaginable, we saw the historic Hanok village, had a late night picnic at the Banpo rainbow bridge, drank copious amounts of Makkoli, ate street food, went to noraebang (karaoke), biked for miles in the park along the Han river etc. etc.  Nate not only liked it here, he completely adapted to life here in an incredibly short amount of time.  He even learned enough Korean to order in a restaurant on his own.  I thought this was amazing.  So, what could have made my life in Korea any better?  Doing all the things I love with the person I love most, who also happens to be my best friend AND fiancé.  Lucky, lucky me! Having the opportunity to share my newly acquired knowledge and my daily routine with someone so receptive is truly an unparalleled experience.  I can say without reservation that his time here was the best 10 days of my life thus far.  Until now, I’ve always kept my love for travel entirely for myself, but now, when I think of the future, I can’t wait to discover new favorite places and see the world with Nate.

When he left, I felt an emptiness like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  At first, I thought I was just sad that he was gone, but I quickly realized that it was more than that.  For a very brief moment in life, I had absolutely everything and more happiness than I had ever experienced, and when he left, the city felt haunted in his absence.  I still love it here, but after sharing everything with Nate, being on my own doesn’t have the same appeal as before.  So now I’m torn, which is a good thing I guess.  I love it here and part of me wants to stay forever, but I’m so excited to start my next adventure back home.  It’s a great feeling, really, to be content in the here and now and excited about the future as well. 

5 months remain in my Asian adventure, and I hope to get as much out of my remaining time as I possibly can.  More to come…

Things I've learned, things I love and things I miss.

I know, I know, it’s been WAAAAY too long since my last blog post, and once again, I have no idea where to begin. 

In May, my mom came to visit me.  It was so nice having her here.  She came at the perfect time in the sense that, the whole ‘stage 1,’ or ‘honeymoon phase’ culture shock had begun to subside.  This was the first time I had done any touristy things here in Seoul, and it gave me an entirely new appreciation for this city that I have come to call home.  We went to parks, tombs, went to palaces, ate traditional Korean food, took a riverboat cruise on the Han River, saw the city from North Seoul Tower, shopped at Insa-dong, and had great conversations at the numerous coffee shops that are mere steps from my apartment.  Point being, she came at the perfect time for me to rediscover this amazing city right as homesickness was starting to set in.  This was also the trip of a lifetime for her.  I don’t think at any point in her life she imagined that she would be visiting her daughter in Asia, literally the opposite side of the world.  We also went to China!

So, China.  Where to begin…  China was an experience to be sure.  Parts of it were amazing.  I actually walked the Great Wall, stood in the middle of Tiananmen Square, ate Peking duck, rode through the streets on a pedal cab, shopped on Wangfujing street, toured the Forbidden City, and ended each day over a glass of wine at our fabulous and ultra-modern hotel.  All with my mother, the number one greatest, most important and positive influence in my life.  China was an experience that I will tell my grandchildren, should they ever exist. Yet, my travels in China made me so appreciative of my life in Korea.  I won’t get too much into my negative experiences in China, other than to say that Korean people are so much more helpful, the food is substantially better, and I am eternally grateful that I chose to spend my year here instead of Beijing.  Coming home to Korea felt just like that—coming home. 

I have grown to love Korea on a much deeper level than when I initially came.  At first, I was the epitome of a culture-shocked American.  I was completely infatuated.  I realize now, however, that I was infatuated with the wrong things, mostly, fulfilling my need to be away; far away from my mundane Shoreview, Minnesota life.   I was meeting all these new people that had perspectives so similar to my own which was something that was entirely absent from my life in Minnesota, the city was constantly bustling—bright lights and action at every turn, being surrounded by people that were looking for the same fulfillment as I, clubs, parties, cheap alcohol, a  19 year olds dream!

And then I realized, I’m not 19—I’m 29.  I came here to find answers and clarity that I simply couldn’t find in my current situation, and luckily, I have found it.  Somewhere in my soju- and club-induced haze, I have begun to find the clarity I initially set out to find. 

So, what is this great clarity, you ask?  Well, like most revelations, it’s pretty simple.

1.       Love your friends.  Your truly great love-you-no-matter-what friends. 

In my first blog, I talked of all my new friends.  Yes, I am still friends with all of these people, but throughout the course of my time here, I’ve re-evaluated what makes a truly great friend.  I am so lucky to say that in my time here thus far, I have made two life-long friends.  That may not sound like much, and I’ve spent much time wondering if I shouldn’t be investing more of myself in more people, but in my conversations with these two individuals, I realize that two friends is huge.  When I look at my life, all the true friends I’ve made along the way, there are maybe 7 or 8, and in my journey here, I have added two to the mix.  Being here has made me question myself constantly. Who am I?  What do I really stand for and believe?  And these two people have helped that along and nurtured that part of me in a way that only they can.  Each of my true friends has played a huge roll in who I’ve become, and now I question that person: I’m not that nice, I’m honest to a fault, I’m obsessive, I love to talk about myself, I interrupt, I have a mean-streak, I thrive on jealousy, I’m vain, I love material things and yet, I somehow manage to have a bit of a superiority complex.   My Seoul friends, however, know this about me, and love me anyway.   Perhaps it’s that they are in the same limbo, questioning themselves and their actions as well, and they have listened, and supported, and dealt with my numerous neuroses.  And they had shown true love for me, even when I am entirely unlovable, and I realize now how rare that is.  All I can say is that I’m grateful and very, very lucky. 

2.      Make new friends, but keep the old. 

It’s funny.  When I lived in Paris, I came back knowing clearly the first people I wanted to see.  Why?  Because they were the people that read my emails, responded, and gave me support.  They answered my phone calls and were excited that I had called them.  I miss my old true-blue friends.  I miss them desperately and think of them daily—far more than when I lived in the U.S.  Most of these friends are people I’ve known for many years, and now I realize that I would not be who I am today without them.  I’m not entirely sure that the person I am today is all that great, but I do realize that without their influence, I wouldn’t have the ability to question my motives or ideas without their guidance.  I have begun to wonder why anyone would want to be my friend, but in lieu of questioning it, I’ve become eternally grateful.  Bottom line is that I have a much deeper appreciation for all that I have taken for granted throughout the years.

So now, on to things I’ve learned.   These things are Korea specific, but they have helped my life here greatly.  I am currently in stage 2/stage 3 culture shock.  This is the point when all the new and great things start to wane, and daily life as a Korean expat start to grate on you. 

1.       Shove or be shoved.

 Koreans have a ‘hurry’ mentality.  Don’t get in their way, because they will literally shove you out of it.  This is something that has been a constant annoyance to me.  They will not apologize, they won’t even give you a second glance, just be prepared, in any situation to be pushed. 

2.       Toilet paper is a privilege, not a right. 

Koreans love toilets and pooping.  I know, this is super weird, but Koreans have tributes to poop and toilets everywhere.  There’s even this weird cultural thing called ddonjjeep (not sure of the spelling there) where if you expose your backside to a Korean, they will make a two-handed gun shape with their hands and shove it into your butthole.  I know, this is beyond weird, but it’s, like, this Korean thing.  I think it’s maybe a tribute to toilets and the amazing amount of  progress Korea has made in the past 20 years, but it’s kind of weird.  Point is, they are very proud of the bathroom revolutions they have made in modern times.  So, there are many public toilets throughout the city.  BUT, toilet paper is not common.  Korea has these amazing bathrooms—the toilet seats are heated, and there always seems to be a control panel next to every toilet with aromatherapy options and bedet-like functions, but the basic necessity of toilet paper is rare.  There have been numerous times that I have gone to a bathroom, caught up in this spa-like experience, only to discover at the end that there is no toilet paper.  As a result, I have begun to horde restaurant napkins, kleenex¸ and even receipts to keep in my purse for emergencies. 

3.      One of the world’s cleanest cities has no waste receptacles.

This continues to be one of the banes of my Korean existence.  There are no garbage cans here!  It’s maddening!  In a city so convenient, where you’re never more than steps from a 7-11 or a GS25, you can never find a place to throw you trash.  It makes me crazy!  Seoul has got to be one of the most litter-free cities on Earth, yet there is nowhere to dispose of your garbage.  Seriously.  Every subway station has a myriad of places to buy soda, snacks, you name it, but no place to throw anything away.  One would think that a city set up like this would be full of litter-strewn streets, but it’s not!  As a result, at the end of every day, I come home with a purse full of garbage.  I try to be conscientious of this, but in the U.S., I would be a minority with this mentality.  But I guess that Seoullites are generally concerned about the beauty of their city, because the streets are impeccably clean.  Craziness…

4.       Koreans hate to think.  If you look at test scores from every country around the world, Korean students consistently fare extremely well.  As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, these kids work like crazy to get the best test scores, and they are usually successful.  What I’ve come to realize, however, is that when it comes to forming an opinion, or making an argument based on facts, they cannot and will not give an answer.  For example, for my most recent speaking test, I had my students do a debate.   As practice, I gave them a topic, and asked for a ‘pro’ and a ‘con’ argument.  I did this with my level ‘A’ students—students who speak English at a near flawless level.  Normally, any time I begin a class and ask for volunteers, I have to wrangle them back into focus because so many of them know the answer and want to prove it to me.  With this topic, however, I was met with resounding silence.  When it comes to forming an opinion and supporting it, they just can’t or maybe won’t do it.  They would rather I give them lines to write than have to think about anything.  It’s such a different intelligence than what we are accustomed to learning in the U.S.  and a constant source of aggravation for me.  As a result, I try and get them to think critically at least once during my lessons to try and begin the process of expanding their way of thinking.

5.      Expand their way of thinking?  Really?  Do I care?   The short answer to this is YES.  I can honestly say that at no point in my decision to come here did I think for one second about the lives I would be impacting.  Teaching was just a way to earn the required money to travel for a year.  Surprisingly, however, my students have begun to play a huge roll in my happiness here.  There are days when I hate Korea—granted, they are few and far between—but they do exist.  And I’ve come to realize that what puts a smile on my face time and again are my kids.  Now that they’ve overcome their shyness, I’ve begun to see how smart and funny these girls are.  There isn’t a day that goes by that one of them doesn’t make some observation or say something that sends me into fits of laughter.  I’m really lucky in this regard as I teach at a really privileged school, so I’m not dealing with a lot of unfortunate kids like some of my friends here.  These are generally happy, sunshiney kids who’s intelligence and wit never ceases to amaze me.  They also do a graceful job of walking the line between gently teasing me and being very respectful.  I can’t explain it, but I know without a doubt that my methods would not be effective on American students. 

What I love.

There are a number of things about life in Korea that I love. For starters, this has got to be one of the most convenient places I’ve ever seen.

1.       You are never far from a convenience store, coffee shop, or cosmetics store.  Seriously.  Sitting in my apartment, I can think of no less than 20 coffee shops, 15 convenience stores, and 5 cosmetics shops within a 1-5 minute walk from my apartment.  Convenience stores are open 24/7.  Need a late night soju fix?  No problem.  Walk 10 feet, buy said $1 soju, head back home.  Walking down the street and realize your face is shiney?  No worries, stop at the Missha, Aritaum, SkinFood, Tony Moly, Saem, Face Shop, etc. etc. and pick up whatever you need.  Also, the beauty products here are AMAZING and incredibly cheap.  And I cannot stress enough how much they are EVERYWHERE. 

2.      As a result of all these beauty stores, one is expected to look their most beautiful at all times.  Yes, this is under the ‘things I love category.’  Koreans are obsessed with physical beauty.  This is both an annoyance, and something I’ve come to really appreciate.  It’s an annoyance because with the concept of beauty comes the concept of never being good enough.  I hate this for my students.  Plastic surgery is so unbelievably commonplace it’s mind-blowing.  On every corner and at every subway stop are ads for plastic surgery.  Literally, everyone gets some form of cosmetic procedure done here if they have the means.  Most people do have the means as cosmetic surgery is very cheap.  Many of my students talk about plastic surgery as a path to their future success, and this kills me to hear.  In America, we whine about the constant role the media plays in making us feel inferior to impossible beauty standards.  In Korea, this exists as well, but attached to every beauty commercial is one for plastic surgery.  It’s unreal.   Clearly, this is not the part I love.  What I do love, however, is that Koreans respect their physical selves.  People dress up here.  Always.  This is something that I really respect and have come to embrace.  There aren’t hordes of dumpy, overweight people walking the streets.  People dress nicely and take care of themselves.  I really respect this and enjoy getting dressed up to go to E-Mart to buy my weekly groceries, or to stop and grab a coffee.  It’s really nice to enjoy the aesthetics of seas of people who respect their bodies and appearance.  Judge this if you will, but it’s something I really appreciate about Korean culture. 

3.      Shoe repair.  In a mass-transit and walking-based city filled with people that wear dresses, suits and high-heels at all times, shoe repair is a necessity.  In America, if something happens with one of your shoes—like, you need to get your tips redone on your heels—you have to round up your shoes, and take them to a shoe repair place, and wait 3 days to a week to get them back.  Here in Seoul, if you’re walking down the street and find yourself with a ‘tap shoe’ (i.e.  the rubber bottom came off your heel)  keep walking a few steps, and you will find a street-side shoe repairman.  In my neighborhood, there are 5 within a 5 minute walking distance.  They will fix your shoes while you wait.  It takes about 3 minutes and costs around $2.  I love it!   

So, in this blissful utopia called Seoul, what could I possibly miss?  In any given day, I waiver between panic that my time here ticks by day in and day out, and wanting to come home.  Maybe it’s part of culture shock, but there are definitely things that I miss. 

1.       English.  I’m a talker.  Anyone that knows me knows this is true, and it’s very isolating to not know the language here.  During my work day, I’m surrounded with my co-teachers that speak entirely in Korean.  I go to lunch, and hear more Korean.  I would be fine in an observatory role for a change, but I can’t observe what I don’t understand.  It’s constant.  Even something as basic as going to the grocery store is a battle.  I’ve become amazing at mime-like sign language in order to fulfill the basic needs of my day.  It’s truly exhausting sometimes.  I really miss being understood, and I really miss having a personality in day to day situations.  My only personality here to the average stranger is that of waygook, or foreigner.  I’m forced to deal with the stares, the judgments, and anything else that people want to think about me with absolutely no recourse.  It really goes against the grain for me, and is a constant struggle.  I’ve begun taking  Korean classes which are going amazingly well.  I’m in a very accelerated course, so hopefully I will make great strides in this area in the near future, but for now, my fate is sealed. 

2.      Soju.  Yes, soju is a Korean liquor that is at my disposal ‘round the clock.  However, I had to say goodbye to my dearest Korean friend.  I couldn’t figure out where my unexplained weight gain was coming from.  I gained around 8 unexplained pounds on a diet consisting primarily of vegetables.  So, I googled calories in soju and discovered that one, small, innocuous bottle contains 540 calories.  During a night drinking with friends, I would normally drink between 2 and 3 bottles of soju, not to mention all of the food that comes along with a bottle in a restaurant.  Needless to say, I was consuming around 1,000-1,500 extra calories a day.  So, I had to put my dear friend to rest.   Sigh…

3.      Nate.  This shouldn’t come as any surprise.  I really miss Nate.  Much, much more than I could have ever prepared myself for.  In some ways, this has been great for our relationship.  I don’t think that as long as I live I will ever take any part of him for granted again, but that doesn’t change the here and now.  I miss him constantly.  It’s a perpetual ache that haunts everything I do.  In a way, this has been a good thing.  I realize that can’t and won’t live my life without him, hence, the engagement.  I know that people want a great story to accompany this revelation, but that’s really all there is.

4.      Life in America.  I desperately miss all the things I’m missing out on day to day.  It’s summer now, and all I can think of is 4^th of July fireworks, parades, barbecues.  Camping, sing alongs by a campfire, mini-golf, Nate, Nate, Nate.  Movie nights, patio happy hours, driving, Lake Calhoun, Strawberry Fest, Summerfest.  It’s hard sometimes. 

But at the end of the day, I love it here.  I know how much I will miss this place when I’m gone.  So, I try and overlook the not-s0-great and truly revel in my joyous experiences and friends here, because I know that I have the rest of my life to miss them.  I love Korea.   I love America. I’m really, really happy.  J